I posted the thread below in some doula forums on facebook and quickly have gotten over 600 likes. Apparently, this is an important issue as I was asked to put it in a format that can be shared. Here's the post:
"I officially let the past die today.
16 years ago I had a very bad experience with an obstetrician during my own labor and delivery. It was an absolute nightmare.
I always knew that one day I would cross his path.
I didn't know what I would say but I knew it would be good. I had SO much to say. I went over different scenarios in my head a million times in 16 years.
I worked with that OB today. He hasn't change much...
But I have.
I worked with him as a professional. I served my client. I respected him. I fostered a team for her, with him.
By the time she delivered (after 17 hours), he thanked me several times for being so helpful during my client's labor and delivery. There were things I didn't like... but I never showed it. I stayed attuned to my client and completely professional and positive.
I smiled and thanked him in return....
And it felt damn good. Much better than digging up a past that no longer defines me.
#alwaysmovingforward #doularevolution #dontbringbaggage#professionalism"
The thing about letting go of the past is that you can't really write about it because then you aren't really letting go...
I am not going to rehash every detail of my birth story or speak poorly of any obstetricians.
I will say that my daughter's birth in 1999 shaped some of the local misconceptions about doulas to this very day, 16 1/2 years later.
The honest truth is, ACOG had just changed their VBAC guidelines and the OB wasn't happy about having to stay at the hospital for my entire labor...which was shaping up to be a very long OP birth. I was not a compliant patient. I was stubborn and I thought I knew everything and I was refusing everything. I can truly understand now why this OB was frustrated. I'm not excusing the way I was treated, but I have a different vantage point now.
No one understands how truly profound it was for me to work with this specific obstetrician except the doula who supported me through that very long day. I spoke to her this morning and she was beyond words she was so proud of me. She said it there would be no better news all year.
What I want you all to know, it wasn't hard. I truly am a professional... I have transformed my life and I no longer hold onto anything that happened that day. I have so much respect for Obstetricians... AS well as my clients. It doesn't serve ANYONE to walk into a labor and delivery with a chip on my shoulder. I will continue to take one day and one birth at a time. I will support my clients to the best of my abililty and will not bring my own baggage into a birth.
Thank you for reading!
Fort Worth Doula
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Abbey is a birth and postpartum doula and placenta specialist in Dallas/Fort Worth and a mom to 4 children between the ages of 22 and 8.